1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:02,668
Oh, thank you.
2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,704
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
3
00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:09,041
Well, congratulate me,
I just managed to finagle
4
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:11,210
reservations for two
at Emilio's.
5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,878
How does that sound, honey?
6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,581
Sounds good to me, sweetie.
7
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:18,083
That is wonderful, Willie.
8
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,052
What, is she coming too?
9
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,921
I thought this was gonna be
our night!
10
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:26,658
Oh, for heaven's sake, ALF,
it's Valentine's Day.
11
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,060
Kate and I are looking forward
12
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,162
to spending an evening
alone together.
13
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,165
It's, it's what keeps us
from becoming bitter.
14
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,803
I'll just spend
Valentine's Day alone.
15
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:41,774
Without romance, without love..
16
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:46,578
...without two bodies
beyond rational thought.
17
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,047
[sighs]
18
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,317
[groans]
19
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,953
Oh, sorry. I'm back.
20
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,755
Anyone call while I was gone?
21
00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,859
[theme music]
22
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,892
[music continues]
23
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,221
[instrumental music]
24
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,225
Oh, please, Willie?
Stay home.
25
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:09,695
We'll order out.
It'll be my treat.
26
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,664
By the way, can I borrow
a couple of hundred till payday?
27
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:16,235
I seem to have misplaced
your credit card.
28
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:19,071
For the last time, no, ALF.
29
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,840
[sighs]
30
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,443
[groans]
31
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,712
ALF, would you stop that!
32
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:31,216
Now, I understand that this
is not an easy time for you.
33
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,051
And, so?
34
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,454
Actually, that was all.
35
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,857
Oh. Somebody needs
a fresh diaper.
36
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,159
Willie.
37
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,498
Oh. Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh!
38
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,468
- What is it?
- Oh, my hands!
39
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,404
Look at them. They're shaking
like a schoolboy's.
40
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,406
Oh, one of my favorite
movie stars
41
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,975
just moved
into this neighborhood.
42
00:02:56,977 --> 00:03:00,846
"Louise Beaumont." Why does
that name sound so familiar?
43
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,917
Oh, she was the aging vamp
in "Footlight Fancies"
44
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,787
and she was the tap-dancing
bag lady in Broadway and 74th.
45
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,489
And she played
the Swedish bombshell
46
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:13,992
in "Stage Door Yohnny."
47
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:17,196
"I love you, Yohnny,
you big yerk."
48
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:22,334
Oh, I remember Louise Beaumont.
49
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:25,337
She was a minor movie star
in her day.
50
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,439
Willie, Louise is a queen.
51
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:31,143
A-and her castle's
just a few blocks from here.
52
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:35,347
"Sunset Villa?"
ALF, it's not a castle.
53
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,282
It's a retirement home.
54
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,617
It's not unlike the place
55
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,520
I'll be staying in long
before my time.
56
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,089
Oh, let's do
something mad, Willie.
57
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:47,359
Grab your Polaroid.
We'll swing by the home.
58
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:50,128
- You're right, that is mad.
- No, no, no. You see..
59
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,497
I'll hide
while you ask her to sing
60
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:55,934
the theme
from Naughty Senoritas.
61
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,469
[humming]
62
00:03:57,471 --> 00:04:01,206
Please, please, ALF. Please.
63
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,909
Wouldn't be so bad
if you could only carry a tune.
64
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,311
There. That ought to hold you
till we get to the sitter's.
65
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,879
- We ready to go?
- Yeah.
66
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:10,749
I'm gonna hold my breath
until you take me to see Louise.
67
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,417
[inhales deeply]
68
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,785
Night, ALF.
69
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,487
[exhales]
70
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,357
- I'm gonna do it again.
- Goodnight, ALF.
71
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,826
We'll bring you
what's left off of our plates.
72
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:24,596
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I'm yumping for yoy.
73
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,704
Willie doesn't understand.
He has his woman.
74
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,573
Poor schlub.
75
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,242
But, oh, Louise..
76
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:43,015
Oh, that's it. I deserve
one night in the sun.
77
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:46,518
Oh. But I'll need
a clever disguise.
78
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,589
Maybe Kate's wedding dress.
Haven't worn that in a while.
79
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,992
Ugh. White always
makes me look too busty.
80
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,297
[instrumental music]
81
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:05,971
Oh, wow!
82
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,173
This could be Louise's window.
83
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,109
That could be her nightstand.
84
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,012
Those could be her teeth!
85
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:18,917
Just my luck.
She's not in them.
86
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,787
- 'I think it went that way.'
- 'Did you see it?'
87
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:25,324
Where? Where? Oops!
88
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,793
(male
'It was the ugliest thing
I ever saw.'
89
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,662
'Did you catch the nose
on that thing?'
90
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:34,499
Hey. Oh! Gotta learn
to stop doing that!
91
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:40,972
Oh, look!
92
00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:45,777
Uh, look,
I know it's a long shot
93
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,613
but is this the Vatican Embassy?
94
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:52,150
What is it? What is it?
95
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:56,288
My guess,
it's a giant talking rat.
96
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:58,824
Hey, hey, hey.
Can a rat do this?
97
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:05,897
Jack, really.
D-don't you know what that is?
98
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,100
I-it's a talking dog.
99
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,669
Uh, I'm sorry for my friends.
100
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:15,173
Oh, fine. You want a talking
dog, I'm a talking dog.
101
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,909
The square of the hypotenuse
of a right triangle
102
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:22,514
is equal to the sum of the
squares of the other two sides.
103
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:26,351
Well, whatever you are, we
aren't allowed pets or visitors
104
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:29,154
after 8 o'clock,
so shoo, shoo.
105
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,689
- Wait, Bernie.
- What?
106
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,558
Don't antagonize him.
He might be one of those aliens.
107
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,694
Oh, no kidding.
108
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,729
Buenas noches, senor.
109
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:42,267
Bernie, I'm talking about
an alien from outer space.
110
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:45,237
Don't hurt us.
Please don't hurt us.
111
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,339
Oh, look,
you seem like very nice people
112
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:50,142
with very little
upper-body strength.
113
00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:51,843
I'm gonna level with ya.
114
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,379
And this doesn't leave the room.
115
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:58,517
The guy with the pants pulled up
to his neck is right.
116
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,318
I'm an alien.
117
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,954
Now, I'm sorry if I scared you.
118
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,290
People were chasing me.
119
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:08,460
For those of you
who remember back that far.
120
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:12,964
[loudly]
Do you eat and drink
like normal humans?
121
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,634
[loudly]
Depends on who you ask!
122
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:20,071
So you're an alien, eh?
123
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,374
Oh, son of a gun.
124
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:25,944
I always knew you guys were
up there somewhere.
125
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,512
An alien, eh?
126
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,214
- You know what I think?
- What?
127
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,917
I think he's here
to make us young.
128
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:34,319
Just like in "Cocoon."
129
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,489
Oh. I never saw that movie.
130
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,925
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.
131
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,293
We rented it last week.
132
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,162
It's the one that Opie directed,
remember?
133
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,932
Oh, yes!
134
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:50,168
It's an amazing achievement
for an eight-year-old.
135
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,873
Let it go, Jack. Let it go.
136
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,742
I just came to get a peek
at Louise Beaumont.
137
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,779
Just point me to her room.
Can you do that?
138
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,447
She's just down the hall
139
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:05,250
but you can't see her
unless you're a family member.
140
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:08,119
There's such a thing
as rules, you know.
141
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,422
Well, I'm her ex-husband, okay?
142
00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:13,592
I just wanna get a quick
snapshot for old times sake.
143
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,993
Excuse me.
144
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,664
[instrumental music]
145
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,569
[knock on door]
146
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,137
(female
'Miss High-and-Mighty.'
147
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:30,108
'There's a talking dog out here
who wants to meet you.'
148
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,744
(ALF)
'No, no, no.
I don't want her to see me.'
149
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,746
'I just wanna take her picture.'
150
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,748
(male
Go on, go on.
151
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,149
[gasps]
152
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,652
Uh..
153
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,291
Hi, Miss Beaumont.
154
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:49,227
I hope my presence
doesn't scare you.
155
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,996
Look, I don't know
what you are
156
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:54,900
or who put you up to this,
but I'm not interested.
157
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:58,069
So don't let the door hit
your furry butt on the way out.
158
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,475
Who does she think she is?
Roseanne Barr?
159
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,082
[instrumental music]
160
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,454
Gee, she seemed
so much friendlier
161
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,690
in "Cellblock Serenade."
162
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:20,425
She treat all her fans this way?
163
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:23,161
Oh, forget about her.
Let's talk about you.
164
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,130
You've been
all over the universe.
165
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,933
What an incredible amount
of knowledge you must have.
166
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:31,970
Tell us, what's it like
in outer space?
167
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,639
Well, it's empty.
168
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:37,809
It's big. It's cold.
169
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:41,880
It's like "Star Trek V,"
without the toupees.
170
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,315
Well, ciao.
171
00:09:43,317 --> 00:09:46,718
Oh, where are you going?
Wh-where's he going?
172
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,221
Uh, sorry. My mission's
accomplished here on Earth.
173
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,423
Nanu-Nanu.
174
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,093
(male
'Let's try to take him alive.'
175
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,963
'I know he's here.
I can smell his breath.'
176
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,332
(male
'Can we mess with him first?'
177
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:01,733
Uh..
178
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:05,170
Maybe I'll stay
until I get a ride home.
179
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:08,006
Mind if I use the phone?
180
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,675
He wants to phone home.
181
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:14,946
Just like
in that movie "Splash."
182
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,384
I swear, if my bones weren't
as brittle as saltines, I'd--
183
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,721
(male
'Eddie, what's going on
in there?'
184
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,923
- Oh.
- Uh-oh.
185
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:29,461
Uh, listen,
uh, I'll be in there. Okay?
186
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:35,266
Uh, remember, you never saw me.
I don't exist, okay? Bye.
187
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,768
He's cute.
188
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:41,339
Okay, what are you guys up to?
189
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:44,275
Well, we don't have a talking
dog in the other room
190
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,911
if that's
what you're getting at.
191
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:50,048
(female
'Hurry up, Ben.
The champagne's getting flat.'
192
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,182
Uh..
193
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,853
Right.
194
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:58,189
She's, uh,
she's helping me...study.
195
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,260
Uh..
196
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,195
If I have the operation
197
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:07,799
they say there's an 80% chance
that I could study again.
198
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:18,143
"114.8." Perfect.
199
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,480
This thermometer tastes funny.
200
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,151
[instrumental music]
201
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:30,488
[instrumental music]
202
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,325
My son.
203
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,294
I sacrificed myself
for 30 years
204
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,063
to make him
a successful stockbroker
205
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,498
and he put me in here. Two.
206
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,435
They should only make that
embezzlement rap stick.
207
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:47,372
I get the idea.
The boy's a lox.
208
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,942
Why do I have 16 cards?
209
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,744
[groans]
210
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,079
Do you realize
that all you've done
211
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,281
since I got here is complain?
212
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,650
Well, there's got to be more!
213
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,785
Well, you're the one
who broke up the gin game.
214
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:05,356
What's your problem, anyway?
Pick, pick, pick, pick, pick.
215
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,759
I just think
you're wasting some wonderful
216
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,462
valuable, precious time.
217
00:12:10,464 --> 00:12:12,363
Let's have some fun.
218
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:15,200
How about I take you on the roof
and show you where I'm from?
219
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,935
Would you like that?
220
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,838
This isn't just a trick
to use us
221
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,842
as sex drones
to repopulate your planet.
222
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,810
Again with that fantasy!
223
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:31,683
Up on the roof? Well,
we-we could get into trouble.
224
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:34,853
I know, I know.
It's against the rules.
225
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,989
Who cares?
This isn't a prison!
226
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:41,693
You have choices.
Take a chance for once.
227
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:44,262
Besides, who's gonna tell?
228
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,030
Okay, let's do it.
229
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,666
Hey, we're breaking the rules.
How does it feel, Bernie?
230
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,736
Well, I wish I hadn't taken
that water pill.
231
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:55,106
Well, as long as it's not
windy up there, we're okay.
232
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,475
Come on, let's go!
233
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:00,445
[instrumental music]
234
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,453
Oh, it's you again. Get out.
235
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,189
Do you want me to call
the night supervisor?
236
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,724
Oh, come on, Lou
237
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,292
I'm taking
the over-the-hill gang
238
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,594
to the roof
to show them where I'm from.
239
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,563
I may even do my lounge act.
240
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:22,167
I've been described
as a short Wayne Newton.
241
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,736
I'm sorry. I'm too busy.
242
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,337
Doing what?
243
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,274
Staring out the window?
244
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:33,144
Every once in a while,
a man walks by with a tire iron.
245
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,747
Something's going down,
I know it.
246
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,351
Look, why don't you just come
and join the party?
247
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,720
Look, I just
don't want to, okay?
248
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:45,456
Isn't there another
aging actress you can bother?
249
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,393
Try Milton Berle.
250
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,128
Fine.
251
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,163
Just that I took
a lot of chances coming here
252
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,132
to catch a glimpse
of the person
253
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,901
that Eleanor Roosevelt
once called
254
00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:00,471
the "Sexiest Woman Alive."
255
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,073
Stop it.
256
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,776
Leave me alone.
257
00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:08,780
I don't need you to remind me
that I was once important, okay?
258
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:10,481
You don't know what it's like
259
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,284
to suddenly end up
in a home somewhere
260
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,154
with a bunch of people
you don't know.
261
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,991
And have nothing left
to look forward to.
262
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:24,362
Ha! Have I got a story.
263
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,899
Well, save it.
264
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,168
[knock on door]
265
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,437
Let's go, ALF.
Ben's studying again.
266
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,072
We heard him through the vents.
267
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,175
Okay, okay. I'll be right out.
268
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,911
Check, check your fly.
269
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:46,284
Louise, please.
Change your mind.
270
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,853
These people aren't so bad.
271
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,456
Sure, you don't wanna listen
to them suck on a hard candy
272
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,825
but they grow on you.
273
00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:56,527
Oh, go on. Join the others.
274
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,630
[chuckles]
I've spent most of my life alone
275
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,633
another couple of years
won't kill me.
276
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:02,834
Okay.
277
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,404
Do you think
I could take your picture?
278
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,440
[camera clicks]
279
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,777
For what it's worth
280
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,147
this is still one of the nicest
moments of my life.
281
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:19,117
[instrumental music]
282
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:23,621
[crickets chirping]
283
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,092
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Ha, ha. Yeah! We made it!
284
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:32,130
Hey, high fives and low fours
all around. Come on.
285
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:35,400
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh, isn't this beautiful?
286
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,168
[chuckles]
287
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:41,406
Oh, look. Look.
Th-there's your mothership.
288
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,041
Wave!
289
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:47,412
Yoo-hoo? Yoo-hoo, down here!
290
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,682
Get ready to be transported!
291
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:54,252
Rebecca,
that's the Goodyear blimp.
292
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:58,056
Sure. That's what
they'd like you to think.
293
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:02,393
Becca, open your eyes.
We're not going anywhere.
294
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,229
ALF, you said you'd show us
where you're from.
295
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,299
Yes, ALF, let us in
on that wondrous secret
296
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,235
that few humans will ever know.
297
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:13,137
I'll do my best.
298
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:16,007
Let's see. I think you can
see it right over there.
299
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,776
Yup, right there. See?
300
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,578
It's that cheap,
white tract home
301
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:24,082
three houses in from the corner.
302
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:27,118
Kind of makes you feel
insignificant, doesn't it?
303
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,155
Oh, no, no, no,
that's the house I'm staying in
304
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,091
while I'm on Earth.
305
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,393
See, my planet exploded.
306
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:39,464
My lawyers recommend I make
no further comment at this time.
307
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,898
Hey, look.
308
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,601
Ben's got quite a setup
over here.
309
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,771
He's always up here studying.
310
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,607
That settles it.
I'm going for that operation.
311
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,044
[jazz music on stereo]
312
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:56,014
Oh, isn't it romantic, though?
313
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,751
All the lights
and, and the music and..
314
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:02,954
Oh, ALF. Thank you.
315
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:07,358
I'm going to send you
a big soup bone later.
316
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,061
Hey, alright!
317
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,131
Well, ahem, who wants to dance?
318
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,969
Hey. See?
What'd I tell ya?
319
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,338
I knew he had the hots for her.
320
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,982
Hey. I'm glad
you changed your mind.
321
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:33,985
We were just getting down
with our bad selves.
322
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:36,587
I-I just came up
for some fresh air.
323
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,224
And..
324
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:45,696
Well, maybe I am a little
curious about where you're from.
325
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:46,864
Okay.
326
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,768
Well..
327
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,237
See that cheap, white tract home
328
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,007
three houses in from the corner?
329
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,208
Yes.
330
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:03,981
Well, if you look straight up..
331
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,684
...it's the big star
directly above it.
332
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,587
[gasps]
Oh, my gosh.
333
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,589
[chuckles]
That's so amazing!
334
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:16,394
Just think,
a whole other world.
335
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,599
Do you, do you miss it?
336
00:18:22,836 --> 00:18:24,235
Every day.
337
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:31,375
How do you keep your spirits up
so far from home?
338
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:36,114
Well, I found making other
people's lives miserable helps.
339
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,417
But you've gotta find
your own way.
340
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,487
Louise, why don't you go over
there and see if they wanna--
341
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,223
Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.
342
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,091
Uh, maybe I better
go back downstairs.
343
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:50,161
No, no, no.
You just got here!
344
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:54,465
Besides, what good
is sitting alone in your room?
345
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:58,202
Come. Hear the music play.
346
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:01,739
¶ Life is a cabaret
old chum-- ¶¶
347
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,674
(Louise)
Okay, okay.
348
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:07,078
Wouldn't be so bad
if you could carry a tune.
349
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,312
[chuckles]
350
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,485
[quietly]
You know, Bernie,
it would be a nice gesture
351
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,921
if you went over
and asked Louise to dance.
352
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,456
[loudly]
What?
353
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,192
[screams]
Dance with her!
354
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:24,629
She's already dancing.
She didn't want me, the witch.
355
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,430
Oh, no. Louise.
356
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:29,200
Look, just dance with her,
will you? Do it for me.
357
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,169
Do it as a favor, huh?
358
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,307
Uh-oh.
359
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,409
- Would you like to dance?
- Mm-hm.
360
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,115
I hope she asked me to dance.
361
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:48,519
[jazz music on stereo]
362
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:56,494
Well, Tonto,
I think our work here is done.
363
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,133
Jack, watch the hands!
364
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:04,335
I run a clean dance hall here.
365
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,505
[chuckles]
366
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,414
Ah!
367
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,520
[instrumental music]
368
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:29,460
And then, when I was at MGM,
I went out with Clark Gable.
369
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:35,499
Wow! Hey, is it true what they
say about men with big ears?
370
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,102
[laughing]
371
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,441
- ALF!
- Willie.
372
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,711
I see you got my message.
Come on over.
373
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:51,682
[chuckles]
Oh, look. We have a visitor.
374
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,985
Who died?
375
00:20:53,987 --> 00:20:55,386
What were you thinking?
376
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:58,289
I can't believe you'd
expose yourself like this!
377
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:01,158
What? I'm wearing a sweatshirt.
378
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,793
You know what I mean.
379
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:05,529
Hey, lighten up.
I'll fill you in later.
380
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,231
Now, I want you
to meet my friends.
381
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:10,534
- 'Bernie, Rebecca, Jack..'
- Hello there.
382
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:14,005
And, of course, Louise Beaumont.
383
00:21:14,007 --> 00:21:15,172
How do you do?
384
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,742
This is my best friend, Willie.
385
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:22,013
Hello. It's nice to meet you.
I'll pay for the damages.
386
00:21:22,015 --> 00:21:25,182
- Come on. We should be going.
- Well, just a second.
387
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:30,154
I have to say goodbye now.
388
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:33,024
I'll always remember you guys.
389
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:35,793
Only wish you could say the same
about me.
390
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,195
Goodbye, ALF.
391
00:21:38,197 --> 00:21:41,866
I want you to have this.
392
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:45,403
It's the scarf I wore
in "Stage Door Yohnny."
393
00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:47,638
[gasps]
394
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,274
Oh, thank you!
395
00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:54,712
Wow. I wish I had something
to return the favor.
396
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,914
You already have, dear.
397
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,452
Happy Valentine's Day, ALF.
398
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:04,689
[exhales]
399
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,192
- Bye, guys.
- 'Bye.'
400
00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:09,460
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
401
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,932
I don't know why, but I think
I may be proud of you.
402
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:18,669
Yeah? Save it till we get past
the guy with the tire iron.
403
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,509
[theme music]
404
00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:47,732
[music continues]
405
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,803
[ALF laughs]